


Regrettable Decisions

by The_starstruck_prince



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: F/F, F/M, brief self harm description, modern college au, self harm mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-13
Updated: 2017-06-13
Packaged: 2018-11-13 18:06:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11190477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_starstruck_prince/pseuds/The_starstruck_prince
Summary: find me on tumblr, @the-starstruck-prince or @drabbles-of-a-cosmonaut !! <3





	Regrettable Decisions

Maria had been sitting with her back pressed against the door to Eliza’s dorm for about an hour now, occasionally knocking and asking to be let in, but only being greeted with a muffled “no” and sometimes a sniffle. Nevertheless, she didn’t move; she knew Eliza wouldn’t make her sit out there all night.

Finally, she knocked, and the door opened a fraction. Maria scrambled to get up, gratefully slipping inside. “Thanks for letting me in,” she said breathlessly. Eliza was silent, but shut the door and plopped back down in her chair, sniffling. Maria sat across from her, leaning forward.

“Eliza, what’s going on?” She asked softly. She watched how Eliza shifted in her chair, sniffling and tugging at her shirt sleeves. She kept her eyes on the floor, biting at her lip.

“It’s alright if you don’t want to talk about it, but I’m gonna stay here with you, okay?” Maria said. Eliza nodded, moving over in her big armchair, indicating that she wanted the other to sit with her. Maria moved quickly, settling into the chair. Eliza sighed, closing her eyes and leaning her head on Maria’s shoulder.

They stayed like that for a long time, until Eliza let out a long, deep sigh, and sat up. “I’m sorry Maria, I just…” She got up, standing away from the chair, hugging herself. She looked so small and fragile, with an expression of misery that pulled at Maria’s heartstrings.

“Last night–” She cleared her throat, keeping her eyes trained on the floor. “Last night was that big party, you know?” Maria nodded. She hadn’t gone, but Eliza went with John and Alexander. Maria’s brow furrowed a little, but she didn’t speak.

“Well, I got really drunk- like, _really drunk_ \- and…” She rubbed her face, hiding her eyes as she began to tear up again- Maria could tell by the way that the corners of her mouth began twitching. “Stuff… happened.”

Maria was up in an instant. “Stuff… like, _stuff_ stuff? Were you forced or–”

“No, no it- it was with John, we just- we were both really out of it, and Alexander had gone off, and John had made a joke, and I can’t remember w-what I said next but then we were- and, and-” She collapsed to the floor, crying into her hands.

Maria followed her onto the floor, gingerly touching her shoulder.

“It’s not even that it was John, I trust him–” Eliza dropped her hands into her lap, before wincing slightly and moving her hand away from her thigh. “It’s just that I’m- I’m a slut. I opened my legs the moment someone asked me to- He didn’t even ask, he made a-a joke, a godforsaken joke, a-and I wasn’t planning on losing my virginity at 19, much less drunk, much more less to John of all people!” She cried, squeezing her eyes shut and hitting her hands on the floor, much like a child would. “John’s not even _into_ girls, for god’s sake!”

“Eliza, baby, it’s alright, you’re not a slut, it’s okay–” “No it’s not!” Eliza insisted, pushing Maria away. “‘Liza, I lost my virginity at 16, it doesn’t make you a-”  
“You don’t understand Maria, it’s just- I’m 19, John’s 22, and even though it’s only 3 years difference, it sounds bad, and the fact that I-I caved, just like that,” She snapped her fingers to punctuate. “God, I didn’t even try to stop, I practically begged–”

“Eliza, stop it.” Maria said. “You. Are not. A slut. For something. Like that. It’s all in your mind.” She said, pausing to emphasize. “It’s not like you were all over everyone else. No one’s going to condemn you for having sex with a mostly gay man.” Maria saw Eliza almost crack a smile at that last bit, and she grinned. She reached out, tucking some of Eliza’s hair behind her ear.

Eliza barely smiled back, but it disappeared quickly.

“But, there’s… something else,” She mumbled. “I…” She pursed her lips, looking down at her lap. Maria followed her gaze, her heart dropping down to the pit of her stomach.

“Eliza… you didn’t… did you?” She whispered. Eliza looked away, her face alight with shame.

The colour drained from Maria’s face.

“Is it bad? Will you show me?” She breathed, the corners of her eyes prickling. Eliza nodded, standing up. She pulled up her shirt, undoing her jeans and sliding them down.

On her upper thigh, right below the fabric of her panties, there were a dozen thin cuts; they weren’t deep, but they would leave a lasting mark for a while.  
The skin around them was reddened, no doubt made worse from the way that the rough fabric of her jeans had rubbed against the tender flesh.

“ _Oh, Eliza…_ ” Maria practically whimpered, tears spilling out from her tear ducts. She reached out, fingers barely grazing the red marks. Eliza inhaled sharply, and Maria moved her hand away quickly. Eliza pulled her jeans back up, refusing to meet the other’s gaze. She settled back down onto the floor, head bowed.

“Eliza, why would you…?” Maria asked softly, wiping at her eyes. She reached out, grabbing the other girl’s hand and squeezing it gently.

“I felt horrible about last night… I shouldn’t have done it, I know, but it just- I wasn’t thinking…” She murmured.

“Please don’t ever do something like this again, please, Eliza you shouldn’t have…” Maria said quietly. “Why didn’t you text me? You know I would’ve been over here in a heartbeat.”

“I didn’t know how you’d react, and I didn’t want to be a burden…”

“Baby, you’re never a burden, you never have been, never will be, ever,” Maria said, inching closer to Eliza. “Look at me.”

She did, locking eyes with the brunette.

“Promise me you’ll never do this again. No matter what, please never do this. Please come get me, text me, call me, anything.” Maria said, squeezing her hand.  
Eliza nodded, eyes brimming with tears again. Maria moved forward and hugged her tightly, and Eliza buried her head in her shoulder, shakily grasping onto her. She whispered apologies into the fabric of her sweatshirt, letting her tears stain the piece of clothing. Maria just rubbed her back, cooing in her ear to help calm her down.  
Eventually when Eliza withdrew, she sniffled and got up, going to the bathroom to wash her face. “I guess I should text John and Alexander back, they’ve both been blowing up my phone all day.” She said regretfully, going back to her armchair.

“Take as long as you need, they’ll understand,” Maria said. “If they don’t, I’ll go beat them up.” Eliza let out a soft laugh. She hugged Maria again. 

“Thank you so much, I don’t know what I would do without you, Maria.” She said, smiling. Maria cupped her face and kissed the tip of her nose. “Go to Angelica, probably.” She said, returning the smile.

**Author's Note:**

> find me on tumblr, @the-starstruck-prince or @drabbles-of-a-cosmonaut !! <3


End file.
